white suburban mommie baby names

oh my god.

i think it was the post on reddit about stupid things people name their kids that set me off.

but the whole trend of spelling regular names in some fucked up way for the sake of being “unique” (or completely making them up altogether) just makes me want to vomit all over the people who name their kids that.

Here’s a US baby names popularity list.

Here’s a list of some of the names I’m talking about.

  1. Kaylee/Kayleigh/Kaylie/Kaleigh (ew ew ew ew ew)
  2. Kylee/Kyleigh/Kylie
  3. Kaelyn/Kaylynn
  4. Jaxon/Jaxson (what.the.fuck.)
  5. Kyler
  6. Rylie/Ryleigh/Rylee
  7. Brayden/Braden
  8. Jayce (what the fuck is that even)
  9. Londyn (oh my god. London isn’t bad enough??)
  10. Addyson (also. addison isn’t bad enough?)
  11. Ashlynn
  12. Kaydence (this is about ten spots above Cadence, which is totally just a word)
  13. Camryn
  14. Adalynn
  15. Maddison (seriously, there were enough people that spelled it with the extra d for it to be on the list)/Madisyn
  16. Brynlee
  17. Braelyn
  18. Hayleigh (you couldn’t stop at Haylee, obviously)
  19. Kamden
  20. Kade
  21. Kolton
  22. Jayson (just fuckin go with Jason, what is your deal)
  23. Braylen (i don’t even know what that is)
  24. Zayden
  25. Raegan
  26. Raelynn
  27. Jayleen (ewwwwww)
  28. Jazlyn
  29. Baylee (Bay Leaf?)
  30. Karsyn (obviously short for Karsynogen)
  31. Jayde (seriously, Jade is FINE)
  32. Paetyn/Paityn (as if Peyton wasn’t a stupid enough name)
  33. Emersyn
  34. Charli
  35. Kynlee
  36. Jordynn
I could go on for a very very long time because the possibilities for this dumb trend are practically endless.

That’s because most of the trend is picking some name and fucking it up with some Y’s and K’s and shit, OR completely making your own by sticking some vowel sounds together and putting a bunch of y’s in it and then end it in -den or -lie or some variation.

Yeah, I know you want your kid to be ~~~UnIQuE~~~ and shit, and you have every right to name your kids whatever you want, but coming from someone whose name is fairly commonplace but gets misspelled all the time, please save them the trouble. I had to get into a fight with my insurance company when I got taken to the hospital because the hospital decided to write down “Sarah” instead of “Sara”. And I got freakin’ awards in elementary school that had the ‘h’ on there. By naming your kid Jaxson, you are only condemning him to a lifetime of spelling his name over and over.

And also, they might be babies now, but they’re actual people. Actual people with fucked up stupid names that no one is ever going to spell right. And everyone’s gonna know their parents had no taste whatsoever.

Someday, there’s going to be a Grandpa Zayden and a Grandma Londyn and I am going to puke.

KIDS ARE PEOPLE. THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO GROW UP AND BE ADULTS SOMEDAY. DON’T GIVE THEM SHITTY NAMES.

They don’t listen to music at my work and they only rarely talk about stuff (which I even more rarely care about), so all day I was cutting fabric and saying stupid names like this over and over in my head. I WAS LIKE:

Am I the only one who hates this shit so much?

PARENTS: